Homosexuals in the church

While I was a (junior) high school student, I knew little if anything about homosexuality.  I do remember -one evening after Bible study or catechism class- that several friends suggested we watch the new karate school, which had started in a gym nearby. After we had left that place, one of the boys said, “Did you see how Jacky* looked at those guys?  You can tell that he is gay!”  About forty years later, I got together with some class mates from that time. At one point I asked one of them, “Whatever became of Jacky?” For a while she was quiet; then she said something suggesting he had taken his own life. I said, “I remember someone saying Jacky was gay. Is there a connection?” She sighed and responded, “I am afraid so!”

During our married life it happened several times that close friends of us got separated when it became clear that one of the partners was homosexual. We listened to stories of pain and grief over losing a partner’s love. Usually there was a desire to understand, but one separated wife despised her ex-husband when she found out about his sexual orientation, “Can you believe it, Bill is a fag!  And I am still married to that guy!”

When I began to teach at rural (public) high schools, I often encountered students publicly making derogatory comments about “the gay”. Often I had to urge boys in my class to show more respect to others with a different -perhaps even unnatural- orientation.  I warned them I would not tolerate this kind of bullying, even if there was no known target present in the class. 

Apparently each of us has masculine as well as feminine characteristics. It’s good and wholesome, but certainly not unnatural, that –for instance- men have some degree of emotion, compassion, and a nurturing capacity or that some women are born leaders with excellent management skills. In the past, perhaps, such non-typical traits were suppressed: men should not be sissies, and women should not be bossy.  In some people and in some period of our sexual development, the male-female characteristics can be particularly out of balance.  Looking back, I now remember a short time period –when I was about twelve - that I had homosexual inclinations. At the time I felt a strong sensual attraction for a boy in my class. I never shared this with anyone: we did not talk about such things.  We did not want to deal with things that we could not comprehend and which seemed so alien (and therefore extra sinful) to us who were raised in the church. And so, there were those who struggled and fought in loneliness. The church, which ought to have supported them in their battle, withdrew in silent disgust.  Only some others, outside the church, seemed to understand…  Although Christ took time to visit the “sinners” of his time, the only visits struggling homosexuals could expect were “home visits” by the elders to warn them for the wrath of God.

Today, we live in a different world. In public life of western countries there is a great openness about sexual orientation. Large groups of homosexuals are demanding recognition and respect. Sometimes I wonder: Was there always such a high percentage of homosexuals as today?  Was the phenomenon only suppressed by peer pressure, discipline, or bullying, or has the actual percentage increased? If this is so, what has been the cause for such an increase? In some circles, there is encouragement or peer pressure to live as homosexual. Here, even those without strong natural inclinations in this direction may be pushed into a homosexual lifestyle by societal and cultural forces.  On the other hand, it’s possible that certain toxins or even foods may affect sex hormone levels, taking a role as ‘gender benders’.

It is not the task of the church to judge those who don’t know God. Remember: morality is not Christianity!  Adolf Hitler massacred homosexuals along with the Jews and whistle blowers at his time.  We may mourn the growing secularization of our national culture, and it’s important to pray about such things.  There will be times that we must remind others that homosexuality will ultimately be destructive for society, and there may be times that we must speak up when the push for homosexual rights threatens our right to publicly proclaim the Word of God.

All over the western world the church is challenged today to take a stand on ‘homosexuals in the church’. Some traditional (mostly rural?) churches may still (choose to) be ignorant about the issue. And there are still churches where those who struggle with homosexual inclinations are shunned, rather than supported.  When young people discover such an inclination in themselves and realize (or fear) that sharing the struggle would bring them into trouble, they will experience strong push-and-pull factors to leave their church community in exchange for a community that understand and respects their pain.

It should not surprise us that this issue has been forced upon us.

·         First, in western countries the secularization process had really taken off after the great wars. Still, Christianity maintained a strong cultural impact on society. Even though the majority no longer had a (living) Christian faith, most continued to cling to the biblical ideas of good and evil.  Yet, as Christian teaching was openly rejected in society, the new generation readily turned their backs to the former restrictions and condemnations of the church.

·         Second, the churches have not shown Christian understanding and support to those who struggle with homosexual desires. This makes the new generation bolder in fighting the former wrongdoings.  It also creates a scenario where churches seek to make amends for their former attitudes. Often this results in ignoring or reinterpreting the Bible’s teaching. So, by seeking to repent from one kind of sin, they easily fall into another. 

·         Third, as many churches lost their mission, they were reduced to social clubs and action groups. “Show God’s love by being nice to other people.” replaced the commission to “Make disciples of Christ by teaching them to live according to His will.”  Also, as evangelicals rediscovered God as a loving Father (rather than a distant emperor), they often lost sight of the need of repentance and the pursuit of godliness. Many wanted to embrace the Good News without accepting the bad news.

Paul writes (Romans 1: 25 – 27) that (the glorification of) homosexual lusts are a natural outcome for a civilization, which rejects its Maker.  When western people had declared that “God is dead”, they could no longer view human beings as created in His Image.  This resulted in a serious identity crisis: Who are we -as humans- in respect to other created beings?  If we are mere mammals –as our teachers tell us-, why not act accordingly?  When I mentioned to a Chinese doctor (who did not know the Bible) that Canada had just accepted gay marriage as legal, she was surprised. She replied, “Why? When will they insist to marry animals?”  Time will tell.

The Bible teaches us that it is natural (especially for un-regenerated humans) to experience a multitude of desires that can lead us into trouble, turning us away from God.  We must fight such desires, and we must help and support each other in this battle. If we look down on those with homosexual feelings, we are people full of pride: this is not godliness!  Is it possible to change current church culture to reach out in loving support to those who are struggling?  Should we not challenge bad traditions, in which we shun those with different desires as us?  We may be inclined to think of people as either decent or indecent citizens, but we must learn to see people as Christ sees them.

While we must show loving support for those who are struggling with sin, we must never forget that healing can only come through repentance. We must be on our guard for those who insist of being “good Christians” while they have decided to live as homosexuals.  I find it shocking that reformed church (related) newspapers and magazines publish emotional stories that (without any leadership or critique!) model ‘wonderful Christians’ who are living as homosexuals.  Today the church is challenged to tolerate “living in sin”, either by denying that a homosexual lifestyle is living in sin or by capitulating to Satan with, “We are all sinners anyway!”  Yet, as we take a stand on the homosexual issue, we are also challenged to consider other forms of living in sin.  We cannot tolerate a lifestyle of greed, gluttony, or harmful addictions while we discipline those who live as homosexuals.  We all must be renewed by putting Christ in the centre!  Only when He is in the centre can we battle the desires that still flare up in our hearts.

Of course, this is not only a very pressing issue, it’s also a difficult one, especially for those whose loved ones have been shunned or abused (in the church) about these things. The Enemy knows how to weaken the church.  If ten to twenty percent of parents in the church experience the pain of their own child in this issue, Satan can mobilize a strong emotional force to break the church.  And yet, many traditional churches continue to ignore the pressing need to deal with these issues.  If they refuse to reach out in truth and love –I fear- they will face an even stronger backlash in the future.  

*I did not necessarily use real names in this post